Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
