ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
