I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
