Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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