I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
