The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
