so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
it's like iHOP with fire
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
