so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
