We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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