had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
