Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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