He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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