You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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