What a fucking waste of an outfit
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
