Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
That accounts for only three of the penises
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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