Cold hands, warm shart.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
it hurts more in the daytime
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
