Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
