Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
