i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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