sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
