Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
