Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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