I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
