What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
