Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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