just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
