The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
