Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
The ass gains better be worth it
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