whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
