Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
