Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
