i was born a porn star she said
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
