his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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