Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
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Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
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Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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