Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
