all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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