with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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