I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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