So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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