i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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