if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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