We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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