Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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