ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
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