Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
