there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
