Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He has the fingertips of a God
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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