i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
