You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
