Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
