Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
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we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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