We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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