He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
