I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
