I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
