who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Dick very happy bro
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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