Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
