I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
