I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
