I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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