It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
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It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
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I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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