He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
