But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
In America we eat man semen.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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