Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
