I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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