he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
i've created a new STD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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