What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
