it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
