No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
