yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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