he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
