Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
